Four things I ate that were okay at the time but now sound terrible
1. Eggplant & fake bacon along with edamame, brussel sprouts, and garlic bread
2. Hot dog stir fry
3. Soup I made with the broth all evaporated on top of a very old eggo waffle
4. I scarfed down an attack monster shrimp in order to save the lives of the wait staff at a sushi restaurant.
Top advice of 2007
1. "Follow Tom to 94, Follow Tom to I-43. Follow Tom to 88. Don't follow Tom to De Kalb." (Charlie's written directions eventually got me to my parents' house. I'm glad I don't have a car here in Seattle)
2. There is a sign in the knife drawer "the knives are sharp" that Dad wrote to caution people. He said he needs to take it out because after he sharpened the knives they only stayed sharp for one day.
Lisa in Taiwan for Children's Theater troupe
Mom: Lisa called from Taiwan and said she had to get up really to eat breakfast of spinach and rice with the monks.
Sarah: Monkeys
Mom: yes, monks
Sarah: Monkeys.
Lisa: There were these two really cool boys that really liked me that went with us to the night market. They were named Harrison and Johnson, one was the president of his class. They were all drama students so you can imagine what they were like. Drama students are the same everywhere in the world.
Mom: Was it like the flea market in Cincinnati?
Lisa: Maybe it's my hair or maybe it's because I look slightly Asian. But this kid says, "You so beautiful, I make you a balloon animal" and everyone gathered around but he couldn't make the balloon animal in my presence.
Sarah: We need to sell everything and take Lisa to Taiwan and make a million billion dollars! Can I help you with dinner in any way, Mom?
Mom: I know what you can do. Go in the basement and turn that light off before your dad gets home.
Top most overwrought reactions to the TV
For some reason there was this part in Babe 2: Pig in the City where the chimp has every animal line up and thank Babe; he instructs them: "Thank the pig" and then the animal replies with, "thank you, Pig." And the monkey does that for every single animal: "Thank the pig" in a funny voice, so funny that I completely lost it and could NOT stop laughing. It was almost uncomfortable because no one else laughed and Kennan just brought me water and they tried to ignore me.
Jenna told me the story of her and Lisa watching "Veronica Mars." Jenna said, "Remember the episode where Veronica and Logan kiss? Well we were SCREAMING hysterically for five minutes straight. So then during the last episode Lisa is crying and it was just so intense and then at the part when Veronica opens the door and says "Oh I'm glad you came" we SCREAMED AGAIN so long and so hard that throw up shot out of my mouth. I can't imagine the look on my face. There was complete silence and then screaming again! And laughing. I think the makers would want to hear about that." I asked her where the projectile vomit went exactly and she said that it went on that old afghan and just sort of dissolved.
Voicemail from Lisa, sounding utterly exhausted: "Hi Sarah, I just got out of class and we watched that Children of Men movie… I don't know if you've seen it but I just don't know what to do anymore. Uh. Awful. I'm just calling because you should probably get your flu shot because of that pandemic going around. I didn't know about it until today but I'm going to get a flu shot and you should too. Tell everyone you love. I love you and have fun in Seattle. Ughhh ,boy." Jenna told me that Lisa was so worked up during Children of Men she had a bloody nose in class.
Dad quotes
A commercial for "Beauty and Geek" came on with Aston Kutcher and Dad said, "Ugly people like that show. BIG Ugly people... Like Gastoon." Jenna said, "Did you just say Gaston?" Dad said, "I can spit like Gaston." (He likes to talk about Gaston all the time, and no one knows why).
At the zoo, Dad said he wanted to buy an animal mask and wear it as he was driving down the highway to scare other motorists. He wanted to find the most unique animal mask that would really scare the shit out of people driving down the road. "What is that animal with the black nose? That's the one I need. Did we see one of those today?" I said, "No, we didn't and that's a koala." I asked him what the best stuffed animal was in the zoo shop and he said, "I know, I saw it" and he led me to a stuffed woodchuck and said, "Wouldn't you love to hide that one in a closet to scare your mother? We went to eat at Old Country Buffet for some reason. I asked Kennan to guess where we ate tonight and he said, "OCB?"
Mom told me how they went to a Greek family restaurant and Lisa ordered soup and they brought out 2 bowls of soup and set one by Dad. He hadn't ordered it, but started eating it anyway and it was chilled. He said, "It's cold and vinegary; it must be borscht." Well, then they brought the salads and it dawned on everyone that Dad's soup was actually the honey mustard salad dressing for the salad. They had put it in a soup-sized bowl.
Dad writes:
Your Mom and Lisa set me up. I left to warsh-up.
When I came back a soup bowl and spoon were in my place.
Your Mom indicated she did not order it, I said neither did I.
So not wanting to waste anything I consumed 2 small tastes.
Once I proved it was not poison, then Mom wanted it back to use for salad, and I became the blind Borscht consumer of all time.
I sent him a Wikipedia article on Polish Borscht. He wrote:
This was sort of an orange borscht with a tint of green borscht, more like banana borscht.
Borscht is not for the boring, but rather consumed by geniuses to further promote their genes.
The basic Polish Borscht recipe includes red beetroot, onions, garlic, and other vegetables such as carrots and celery or parsley roots; often pureed to be used as salad dressing by the really genius types to clean their genes.
Dad said, "If Jenna and Lisa get lost on the way back and need to call me while I'm in church, I'll just put my hand over my mouth like I'm going to throw up, then I can leave and go answer their call."
Dad: And laying a finger aside of his nose and giving a nod, up his nostril it rose.
Sarah: Dad, what inspired you to say that?
Dad: I was reading my pig magazine. Reading about Slaughter. I was pushing my external boundaries.
Seattle Glee
Floating bookshelves
The children's books at the library have no due date and don't even need to be checked out
Pizza with pears, apples, gorgonzola cheese, mandarin oranges and pecans (still haven't had it though)
One of the founders of Starbucks sent me his old books
Being forced to sit in on a TV station taping of a Donny Osmond interview with fanatics in the audience holding these creepy Donny Osmond dolls.
Free Vaudeville show in a church that starred the "Real Boop" who sang Comedy Tonight clown songs and then did some Copeland songs like the Cat Goes Fiddle Eye Fee and Ching-a-Ring-Chaw and then some Jimmy Durante songs like Inka Dinka Doo and Deedlee Doo.
Red panda at the zoo, myriad harbor seals and sea lions
2 people (out of 5) in the office have seen Jethro Tull live. 2 have owned parrots. 4 have been to Freiburg, Germany.
Meeting Richard Sherman - Mary Poppins Composer
Best Overheard Conversations
I heard a kid behind us say, "Did you know that parents can kill girls in China? Not boys though. It's because of War." The mother (with a Chinese accent) said, "That's not the only reason. I could kill your father." Kid: Why? Woman: Because he took my energy drink.
When I got on the bus this there was this 6 year old kid who was being led through the aisle by his dad and the kid said, "Dad, stop pretending I'm blind!" One lady in particular couldn't stop laughing at this and I thought how funny it really was because what if it means that this dad usually DOES pretend his son is blind in order to get money? But what if he never does and the kid just said that, knowing full well the humor of the situation? At any rate, I like that kid.
Shows
The National at Neumos
John Vanderslice at Neumos
In-store El Perro Del Mar
Baldwin Sister Dance Troupe/Dad dancing like Frankenstein, Carnival Cruise, 2007 "We Are Family"
Fashion almost upstaging nature moment
Sarah: That waterfall was pretty awesome.
Charlie: Well, it was interesting.
Sarah: Semi interesting. It was an interesting waterfall but not as interesting as my outfit.
I suddenly realized a woman was listening to us and she totally glared at me.
New-found loves: Mt. Rainier, New York Times Crosswords, pumpkin ale, Degrassi, Flaubert, Oregon coast, Washington Talking Book & Braille Library, marmots, Battlestar Galactica, Nightmare Before Christmas in 3D (finally) and also with the N-Mare with the French soundtrack -- "Que vois-je!" What's This in French
Weddings
Cousin Heather's: Dr. Jeckyll's in Appleton with Megan and Adam - glass neon beer garden?
Jenna and Lisa danced wildly and Dad said something to Jenna like "Well we might as well go dance, we're the only ones in the world who can dance anyway."
Sean and Maggie's wedding: Talking to Senor about his goats, the Hometown Sweethearts conga line, Shawn Williams abruptly going off the subject of E.T. to talk about his love for Grover, and then Adam's parents waking up at 4 a.m. to play trivial pursuit with everyone.
Harry Potter (has to have its own category in 2007)
Kennan said that if Harry Potter dies in the book that he is going to kill himself.
Kennan said he finished Harry Potter and he said, "it gets a B. It wasn't very rewarding." Maybe because he already KNEW the ending? Because he downloaded jpegs of the book before it was released and read the last page? Not much of a reward there, eh?
Questionable
Ricky Gervais' Laugh
I realized the Extras outtakes could go on forever because Ricky Gervais just laughs hysterically at every line any one says (especially Patrick Stewart talking about a film he wants to make where women's clothes fly off or have rotted off and he can see them naked) and it must take forever to film one episode because Gervais laughs himself into loud, mad hysterics each time and "corpses" the scene. And why does he tape his editor up all the time?
My Microsoft Word instructor
"If you want to know if someone is mentally disturbed, have a field heading called that."
"How about creating a Word document with a lot of indents on it? That was my grandfather's dying words besides 'please kill me.'"
HUH?
Reality TV Warm Up
(Lisa listening to her iPod singing a Regina Spektor song and deliberately singing quite awful like she was warming up for an opera).
Lisa: And it brrrreaks my heart. All of this MEEEYYUUUSIC.." And it breaks my ha ha ha ho ho ha ha heart.
Sarah: You sound like Santa Claus.
Jenna: We should record and sell a CD that shows young voice students How to Warm Up with Pop Hits. Also, did we tell you how Lisa and I are practicing for American Idol by singing the worst sounding song ever with a completely straight face?
Funny, how Lisa went on to be in the choir version of American Idol the same year on NBC. Clash of the Choirs
Stay tuned for: 2007's senseless sneezer, Jenna's quotes, and more
Various sunsets from my roof. The bottom was taken through the window of a car. With the window rolled UP. It still worked, I guess.
You can see Mt. Rainier faintly in the first one. An added bonus.
